What to say and not to say to someone with cancer
Don’t say:
“I know what you are going through” if you haven’t experienced cancer yourself. Even if you have experienced cancer yourself, you still do not know exactly what that person is experiencing. If you do believe that sharing your experiences could help, share a nugget of information about your experience and then redirect conversation back to them. Example “I also dealt with neuropathy when I went through my cancer journey. What has it been like for you?
Do:
Validate their experiences. Share your own experiences with cancer if they ask, and redirect back to them.
Share resources.
Tell them that you will be there to support and love them no matter what. Don’t just say that you are going to be there, actually be there and show up.
Don’t say:
“You actually look great bald!” “You don’t even look like you have cancer!”
Just do not comment on appearance, it is not helpful.
Instead say,
“It must be very difficult to lose your hair and have body changes.” or “Your body is fighting so hard.”
It is ok to comment on hats or scarves they are wearing to cover the bald such as “That beanie color looks great on you.”. You can even gift them a headscarf, hat or beanie!
Don’t:
Engage in toxic positivity such as saying “Everything happens for a reason.” or “Look on the bright side” or “Things could be worse.”
Don’t say “you will be fine” because you don’t know that, and no one knows that for sure.
Don’t overwhelm them with hope and positivity unless thats what they want. If someone is very optimistic, looks to religion or spirituality, or asks for messages of hope, send those and give that to them! Also be conscientious that they may not always feel hopeful and optimistic.
Do:
Use the language that they use, and the words that they use.
Let them feel whatever feeling comes up
Say “you are so loved and supported through this challenging time.”
Don’t:
Assume that they don’t want to come to social gatherings or speak to them any differently (unless they ask).
Do:
Continue your relationship as normal
Keep inviting them to social gatherings unless they tell you not to
Offer to drive them to appointments, treatment, schedule weekly phone calls or coffee dates
Don’t:
Get scared and abandon your friend or loved one.
Do:
Reflect on why you are feeling apprehensive, anxious, or fearful to be there for your friend or loved one.
Reflect on how you would want them to be there for you if the roles were reversed.
https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Dos-and-Donts-What-to-Say-and-Not-to-Say-to-People-who-Have-Cancer-9079695
