Getting out of “therapist mode”
In my opinion, your “therapist mode” shouldn’t be a huge deviation from your normal self. I think all therapists should approach their sessions with authenticity, genuineness, and as a real, flawed human. Of course we can’t come into a session with clients talking about our own lives, but we should show up as ourselves. Your clients shouldn’t think that you are a god or goddess who has the right answer to everything and has no problems, they should know that you are a human just like them.
This was hard for me at first to realize, because I put a lot of pressure on myself to come across as this put together, all-knowing being, until I found out that that is just incredibly unrealistic and, clients respond better when you are authentic.
It truly irks me when therapists put on this front. If you are a therapist reading this- just don’t do it. It’s annoying. You can maintain your professionality and expertise while being yourself. They are not mutually exclusive!!
“Therapist mode” for me is what my brain does when I am in sessions. My brain in session is constantly thinking, processing, redirecting, connecting, analyzing. This is what we, as therapists, need to do during sessions in order to do our jobs and support our clients as best we can.
This type of thinking could be useful with your personal or social relationships, but you really have to read the room to see if it is needed, or most importantly, WANTED.
Unsolicited “therapist mode” is not cool! I have witnessed firsthand therapists/friends who could not turn off therapist mode and just “therapized” everyone they came in contact with. You could very obviously tell that these people were annoyed, as this is not what they needed or wanted. It really puts strains on your relationships when people feel like they can’t talk to you as a normal human because you can’t stop being a therapist.
It is important that we as therapists can turn off this “therapist mode” and just be. Just be people who can have conversations, and make connections, and be with others without overanalyzing and having our therapist brain pop in. Of course, because you are a therapist people who are having a tough time may gravitate towards you. You can be of support to these people, share resources, use your knowledge, but remember the boundaries that they are not a client of yours, they are a personal acquaintance. Just as you would not have a friend or family member as a client in the therapy office, don’t make a social setting a therapy office.
An amazing, beautiful part of being a therapist is that people feel like you see them and hear them. You probably have great empathy and understanding, which goes extraordinarily far in personal relationships. Remember, that you became a therapist because of who you are as a person. Be authentic, be yourself, maintain boundaries, and be able to turn off “therapist mode.”
Here are some quick tips to detach from “therapist mode”:
Talk to friends or family about how their day or week is going
Listen to music (and sing or dance along), watch a mindless, feel-good TV show, read a book
Plan your weekend
Journal about your day and then close the book and don’t open it for the rest of the day
Work out, go for a walk, take a shower
Hang out with pets
Remember that people do not want to be “therapized” (:
